NirvanaFunClub

There were 5 jars on the table, 4 people gathered in front of the table, sat on chairs, gazing.

“You are now going to walkup to the jars and look at them. You can also grab them, turn them around, see what is written on them, if anything. One by one please.”

People sat on chairs started standing up and walking to the table with jars. Clockwise, from where the lady giving them the instructions was standing.

Young lady in white was first. She was wearing white jeans and a white ‘wrap cardigan’. She took the first, smaller jar, in her hands and started looking at it. Examining. Then she glanced over the second one, and took the third and fourth, reading carefully the inscription. Then the last one, bouncing it in her hands.

“They are all filled with honey, aren’t they?”

Lady that gave them the instructions at the beginning was nodding her head in confirmation. “All the jars are filled with honey, yes.” She was looking around the room, eyeing ‘the contestants’ making sure they’ve all heard her. No dishonest advantage in this survey.

Lady in white put down the last jar, turned on her heels and walked to her chair.

Second in a row was an older woman in red shirt. She was wearing jeans and a shirt with predominantly red colours. She walked to the jars slowly, raised the first, smaller jar and started turning it around in her fingers, squinting, concentrating: “Are we going to try them later on?”

“Yes, you are going to try them, but, please, focus on the task at hand first.” The instructions lady was enunciating the words very carefully, once again making sure to look towards the other ‘participants’ as well. No ear left behind.

After carefully studying every jar, the woman in red shirt got back to her seat.

Third ‘lab rat’ was a noticeably younger gentleman, he was 19 years old, the most. He stood up and arranged his shirt, pulled it down. It was a white t-shirt with some letters on it. He wore blues jeans and white sneakers. He had a very sweet face. The face of a sweet boy that is trying to figure out what this all means, trying not to offend anyone and going unnoticed until he knows what he is doing. As everyone else before him, he approached the jars and held the first one in his hands. Turned it around in his grip, examining it, reading. And then on to the next one. After he was finished he mumbled “hm.” and was on his way to his seat.

The last person from the ‘chosen ones’ was an older gentlemen who looked like he knows something everyone else does not, even though, in reality, he probably knew less than anyone present. In this situation, he used the defence mechanism more present in male population but occurs in every human being, that goes something like this:
I am in a new environment
I am insecure
I do not know what I am doing
I am not aware of my insecurities
I feel only fear
Let’s make it sound like danger
I am in danger of my surroundings
They are [insert: women, gay people, foreigners, shy scientists and similar ‘no power’ people]
I feel contempt towards my surroundings
I blame them for this intrusive uneasiness
I despise everyone in the room, I hate them
I feel better now, it is not my fault, I have found the culprit.
The older gentlemen who looked like he knows something everyone else does not stood up, a bit crookedly, like he is sparing with Rocky Balboa, but in a couple of seconds he straighten up, and I swear I saw him pull down his shirt like the noticeably younger gentlemen. He wore a black t-shirt with some designed shapes and darker pair of jeans. He had a bit of a protruding belly on him. He had leather ‘3 hole shoes’ on his feet. As everyone before him, he approached the table with the jars, took them in his hands, read what was there to read, watched the honey goes up and down in the jar “I am checking the consistency, you know.” He looked at the ‘instructions lady’ and smiled at her like he is speaking a secret language going straight into her soul. Lady smiled back, as a sign of defence, reminding herself that he is in a relatively public space with 4 other people, even though not that strong looking, it is still 5 against 1. After the comment, the older gentlemen who looked like he knows something everyone else does not turned his head back to the jar he was holding, put it down and returned to his seat, smiling, for no apparent reason. Other ‘contestants’ started looking at him cautiously.

“So, what can you tell me about the jars of honey you’ve just examined? How did they look to you? Which one did you like the most? Which one appealed to you the most?” Giving them the instructions lady asked making a step forward towards the centre of the room, moving her body like she is Waldo from ‘Where is Waldo?’ lurking behind the open door.

“I think, personally, that the fourth one looked the best, the one with a little ‘paper hat’ on, you’d say. With that checkered paper on top of the lid. Also that one said it came from the local apiary and I prefer local products. Also it had a lot of information written on the jar.” Concluded the young lady in white.

“Yes, for me as well. I think the one with the paper hat, as you said…” older gentlemen who looked like he knows something everyone else does not smiled in an I am embarrassed and shy way “was the best for me. I would buy that if I had to choose. It looked the most home-made.”

“Yes, thank you, which one would you buy? Yes, that is also a question.” Instruction lady jumped in from behind those non-existing ‘where is Waldo?’ door again.

“I think I would buy that one, the fourth one, as well. It had the most extensive information on the back, in the description, and it said it was harvested locally, so I’d buy that. It is important for me to buy locally. The first one said it was from China, that I would never buy.” Said the woman in red, sharply and changed the position of her body on a chair she was sitting on.

“And you, young man, please can you share which one you think you would buy?” The lady who gave them the instructions leaned forward towards the noticeably younger gentleman. She bent her knees a little, looking positively kind-hearted.

“I think I would buy the third one. It had nutritional value information on the back. I don’t know, I like that, it is important for me.” Noticeably younger gentlemen looked noticeably embarrassed by his exposée.

“Ok, thank you, and now if you could try the honeys inside the jars. We have prepared napkins and wooden spoons for each of you and for the each jar, so please throw them away after each tasting.” The lady who gave them instructions turned behind her and pulled two paper cups from a little cupboard in the corner behind her, filled with wooden spoons and napkins and continued to place them on the table.

Our ‘contestants’ proceeded to get up from their chairs, approaching the table, and sticking spoons into the honey, each and every one of them struggling a little with taking the honey out from the jar using the common wooden spoon trying to break the ‘honey pull’ so that they don’t get the honey all over their attire, but majority of them succeeded with a little manoeuvring with the honey jar. “Aaaaargh, you have to twist it a little under the right angle to get it right! See?” Said the older gentlemen who looked like he knows something everyone else does not while struggling with the fourth jar, his favourite from the previous round, twisting and turning while holding the spoon real careful not to make a dirty fool out of himself.

After the respondents finished tasting the honey and threw all the used spoons in the bins under the table. There were 3 bins in total so that they do not have to walk too far between each honey tasting. Lady that gave them instructions placed herself in front of them and between them and the table and gave them new instructions.

“So, after trying the honey from every jar, what are your thoughts? Which one would you buy? Who is the winner, so to say, in your mind?”

“I would buy the fourth one still. That one had the best taste, I do not like bitterness and the others were a bit bitter for my taste, and the first one was just the worst.” said the woman in red.

“I would also buy the fourth one but taste-wise I preferred the first one. I know it is from China but I really like very sweet stuff. It is probably bad for me, luckily in the store I wouldn’t have the opportunity to taste test them, so I would buy the locally harvested one.” Said the young lady in white, squirming on her chair.

“yeah, for me the fourth one, without a question, yes, the best taste, not only because of the paper hat now.” concluded the older gentlemen who looked like he knows something everyone else does not with a wink towards the lady who gave them instructions.

“And what about you young man?” Asked the lady who gave them instructions every time they needed them to a noticeably younger gentleman.

“For me, I would still buy the third one. Taste-wise I really do not care that much, I am not an expert in honey, and the third one with those extra information about nutrition was the best for me, I really appreciate to know those things.”

“Ok, thank you all, you are very kind for doing this and were very diligent and thorough in your examinations. Last thing before I let you go, what would you say if I said to you that all the honeys were the same? The first one was different but the remaining 4 were the same, we put them in differently styled jars before this experiment.”

Camera was still rolling. Oh yeah, didn’t I mention? There was a camera and a cameraman in the room the whole time. Contestants were told it will be apart of a docu series streamed on the public television. Zooming in on the faces of our contestants. They played it cool, after the initial embarrassment. Who wouldn’t be embarrassed? They are people not bees, after all.

“Well, I didn’t notice that, yes it makes sense, you can write whatever you want on the packaging and we as consumers can never tell, but shouldn’t we be protected from it in some way?” Opened the ‘comment section’ the young lady in white.

“Yes, we should, that is why this whole thing is organised! Right?” Asked the older gentlemen who looked like he knows something everyone else does not while smiling towards the lady who gave them the instructions.

“I didn’t noticed anything. I don’t know why.” The women in red looked perplexed

“It makes sense. Yes. I mean, it all tasted the same to me, but I couldn’t tell.” added a noticeably younger gentlemen

“I think it was you who confused us, with all this talk about the nutritional value, when you mentioned that. Yes, you confused us.” Said the women in red, still perplexed but getting more and more sure of herself by every milli second.

“Ok guys thank you for your time. This was really as you…” lady who was part of the organisation and was brave enough to put her face in front of the camera AND gave them the instructions pointed her finger towards the older gentlemen who looked like he knows something everyone else does not. She felt the power of finally being over with this and the proximity of him leaving. “…mentioned. We were trying to see customers response to marketing tools. Or something like that, I really do not know at this point and this was exhausting, I didn’t expected this to be this exhausting and I still need to wash bunch of laundry when I get home because I didn’t have time this entire week in preparation of this and putting honey in different jars, I didn’t know how complicated THAT was and I certainly didn’t know this is going to be even more energy draining. Jesus. But I am a mom, I have more important things in life, I need to take care of my nerves. I’ll let this be over quickly, I will make some excuse and not be cleaning this up afterwards, maybe Antonio, (the camera man) can do it, why the hell not?! He was just standing there the whole fucking time, with his annoying smirk behind the lens, like he is better than those people we are tricking. We tricked them Toni, they couldn’t know! Alright?! You all did a great job, and I hope you won’t feel embarrassed by this, it is exactly what we wanted to show, consumer has no way of knowing and responding to these tricks. Thank you and take the complimentary baskets with honey on your way out.”

“Is it organically grown? That one, at least.” Smiled the young lady in white.

“Yes, yes it is. Everything that is written on those jars is true. Do not believe anything I say, how the fuck should I know that. Smile and wave, just smile and wave.”

Don’t wan’t none unless you got buns hon’.